ParaPara Kawaii Compilation (2xCD)

I saw this 2xCD down in Chinatown, and I couldn't resist. I mean, "ParaPara Kawaii"?! How could I go wrong? And as a bonus, I knew at least one artist included on the comp (DJ Miko), and I liked what I'd heard from them before, and I was thinking this might clue me in a little more to the whole "para para" thing (which I became intrigued about via the extremely cute Alice in ParaParaland song on Euromach13).

So I went for it. Big mistake. What follows is my analysis of each song on the comp, put as nicely as possible (or not). My opinions of the songs are much the same after multiple listens as on my first listen. I just keep thinking, "OK, where's the cute? Maybe this next song...maybe this next song..." but what little cutness can be found certainly does not justify using "cute" in the name of the comp!

The cover of the CD says "Virtually every traxx (sic) on this double CD compilation is a favourite..." Well all I can say is, a favorite of who?! What they should've said was, "virtually every traxx on this comp. sounds exactly the same!" Seriously, as you'll soon see, nearly every vocalist sounds the same, and every song is at almost exactly the same tempo with the same UN-cute "atmosphere" to it. It's all just slightly dark and dreary. I can imagine a lot of this being played for the pre-beginner level on DDR or something, except that unfortunately all the vocals are in English. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!

The alleged guide to ParaPara dance steps is also a joke. I was expecting some big booklet, but all it is comprised of is a single picture with some stick-figures (see below). Heck, the booklet itself is barely a single-fold type of deal, with no info on any of the artists on the CD (not that I could imagine in a million years anyone getting excited enough about any of the songs on this CD as to want more information on the performers, but some pictures probably wouldn't have hurt).

Disc 1:
  • Luna - "Rain" - Can't listen to it. Boring house with annoying repeated pronunciation of "rhythm" as "riddum." Not cute.

  • DJ Miko - "Shout" - Cover of the Tears for Fears song - "shout, shout, let it all out..." Decent, but the singer sounds angry - not cute.

  • Peek-a-Boo - "Funny Love Sha la la" - The only song that could be called remotely cute, EXCEPT for the dumb guy doing backup vocals (who makes the song unlistenable). Ugh...why?!

  • Amanda Baker - "I Can't Help Myself" - Aka "sugar pie honeybunch." Bad R&B house junk with an annoying vocalist who tries to use vibrato on every phrase she sings in the whole song (once again, rendering the song unlistenable). As if this song was really an emotional experience...

  • Ken Laszlo w/just Jenny - "For a Day (Factory Fast Mix)" - If this is the "fast mix" I'd hate to hear the "slow" mix. Regardless of its un-cute tempo, this is definitely one of the best tracks on the CD. Nice female AND male vocals (the latter being very rare for this type of music). Nothing to write home about, and not especially cute, but nice. [2 Min. MP3 Sample]

  • Libra - "So Close to the Heavens" - Another decent track. Not "cute," but kinda "nice" in a mellow (trance?) sort of way.

  • DJ Space'C - "Jump for my Love (akasaka mix)" - Cover of that Pointer Sisters (?) song. Blech. I don't know what "akasaka" is, but I know it's NOT cute!!

  • Heartclub feat. Ian Lex - "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" - Bad, bad, bad. Stupid song, bad cover. Not cute (unless you're into gay guys...yeah, you heard me.).

  • DJ Space'C - "Love Train" - *sigh* What we have here is either someone with a cute voice trying to sound "sultry" or someone with a husky voice trying to sound cute. Either way, it's rather unnerving. Also, English is clearly not this person's first language, so why sing in it? Bah! Musically more boring midtempo house/trance. This is the kind of stuff that would clear the dancefloor at ACEN.

  • Morgana - "Colours of My Dream" - Well at least this one makes my toes tap a bit. Not really cute, but at least listenable and not dragged out too long either.

  • Wienna - "FU-TU-RE (war edit)" - 'War Edit'?? I'm sure I don't get it. The moderately interesting keyboard work does not make up for the stupid lyrics delivered in predictably laxidasical fashion. Zzzzz...

  • Jessica Jay - "My Macho (dance remix)" - Umm...what other mix would a dance song have? DumB. Boy is that "heartbeat" kickdrum beat getting boring... Sadly, even the moderately cute vocals and slightly OG Nintendo-soundtrack synths (they kinda sound like an accordian actually...) don't save this song from mediocrity.

  • Radiorama - "Cause the Night (ft mix)" - Again, what the heck is an "ft mix?" Doesn't sound any different from any other "mix" on this whole freakin' comp. More boring, un-cute, deep-female-voiced snore-inducing techno that makes me realize why so many people hate techno. Halfway through the song it sounds like at a dance when they're switching DJs and they just let the beat run by itself for a while. Sooo lame.

  • DJ Miko - "Superboy (ft dance mix)" - Super Bo-ring is more like it. Ack! More of the same except with some horrid wannabe-reggae backup male vocals. Don't they realize that they can switch up the beat A LITTLE now and then and it'll still be danceable? Guess not. How is this even remotely cute?

Disc 2:

  • Orlando - "Everyday (factory team mix)" - Ah, so that's what an "ft mix" is. Ummm...whatever. Some moderately cool breaks, but boring for the most part. And while it might actually be possible to have cute male vocals somehow, these are FAR from cute. Kinda sounds like a non-English-as-first-language Seal or something. Sounds pretty 80's too. Bad.

  • Wildside - "Open My Door" - Alright, "Wildside" sounds promising right? WRONG! More of the same boring muck with those deep female vocals that are so patently UN-cute. Yucko.

  • Chou Project - "Jungle in My Heart (some retardedly named mix)" - *doomp doomp doomp doomp* Yep, same beat, 18 tracks in now...same beat, same tempo...The way the guy pronounces "jungle" as "jAngle" is too much for me to take even if this weren't more of the same uninspired gunk as every other worthless track on this CD.

  • Lita Brown - "Lovin' (another pretentiously named mix)" - Zzzzzzz... Almost remotely cute, but it doesn't even matter at this point because I'm ready to chuck this CD out the window.

  • T.H. Express - "I'm on Your Side (original version)" - Why they felt the need to tell us this was the original version is beyond me.

  • Kate Project - "You Can" - OK, finally, some cuteness! Well, not much but... Ack, well, they ruined it with more of those dumb male reggae vocals. WHY?!? More Kate less Shaggy! More points deducted for running past the 5 minute mark with only three lines of lyrics throughout the whole mess.

  • Asia Gang - "You're the Only One That I Want" - If they're an Asian gang, why are they singing in English? Oh, it's another stupid cover...boooo!!

  • Fargo feat. Deborah Cole - "I Said No!" - I had high hopes for this one based on its title, I just imagined some really cute stuff...but of course I was grossly disappointed. This is just so incredibly bad, and not just because it's not cute in any shape or form and is on a comp. called ParaPara Kawaii. Sooo lifeless... I hate R&B.

  • Gal - "Love Me This Way" - Female burp-singing is even worse than the male variety. This is the music of my nightmares. This girl would get mocked to tears on American Idol.

  • Faast - "Over and Again" - I wonder if "faast" means "boring mid-tempo garbagecan fodder" in some other language?

  • Loco Motion - "Explosion" - Wait...are those cute vocals? Oh, nope, it was just a hoax.

  • DJ Space'C - "Forever Young" - I'm not even going to comment on this. This nerd had two songs on the previous CD and this song is the worst yet.

  • Jessica Jay - "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" - Another annoying cover...grrr...make it stop!!!

  • Kikka - "Don't Take My Heartbeat" - OK, I'm convinced that this whole CD was actually done by one group...or at least the same vocalist...OK, maybe not but I'm not exaggerating when I say that 85% of the beats and vocals on this sound EXACTLY the same. This is part of that percentage.

  • Libra - "Another Night" - NO, seriously, see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Play "Kikka" and "Libra" at the same time and vocals are EXACTLY the same...and I HATE them. Thank GOD this compilation is over!!

So that's that. I would not be exaggerating in the least if I said you could set up one generic house beat and let it go for like 2 hours and have your favorite (or least favorite) female R&B singer sing over it until her throat bled and it would only be slightly less diverse and probably much more entertaining than this. So if you think Christina Aguillara on qualudes singing over 120 minutes of sub-par house/trance sounds awesome, I fully encourage you to pick up this 2 CD abomination.

IF however, you prefer stuff that's actually cute, but still want a dance-game-related purchase, I'd suggest you go pick up one of the Euromach or Dancemania Speed mixes. You'll get much better music, and much more cute for your buck.

Overall
Rating:
0 thumbs up.
Cuteness
Rating:
0 Ryo Ohkis.